Today continues with part 2 of Morinda’s interview. If you missed it be sure to read it here. She’s a wife and a super mama to 4.
I was living in Salt Lake City with my little sister and she was friends with one of Brig’s friends. I was just getting over a pretty big break-up and had sworn off dating. My sister kept telling me I had to meet these guys, they were so funny, so fun to hang out with, bla bla bla. And I was resistant. So I was working two jobs and going to school at the time (see how long this degree has taken me???) and I came home one night just thrashed from a long day and there in our living room were these guys and my sister all dressed up.
Brig was really a ska-boy at heart with his shaved head and lamb chops for miles. He was so funny and cute and his zipper was down and he friend said, “Hey Brig are you gonna zip up?” And we all laughed and Brig was not at all embarrassed which I kind of thought was cool. Anyway, long story short we laughed so hard that night, I don’t know, we just kind of got addicted to that kind of joy.
It’s funny because we are both pretty high energy people (in other words spazzy) and we had friends who were like, “You guys should probably not procreate” or my sister said, “If you guys have children they will probably just hover above the ground with all that energy!” Haha! And they do.
I don’t know if there’s a secret. It’s work and you have to continually choose your marriage. We adore our kids, but by the time we’re 50 its just going to be us. So we have to consciously choose to make our marriage a priority. When Brig is home we make time to go out every week for a date night. Most of all, we have fun. We LOVE to dance even though we’re terrible at it. We spent all of our dating laughing and its what keeps us going.
Just this week Brig was only home for a couple days before he left again for a month. We laughed so hard at some stupid joke that we were in pain. Life is tough. It throws a lot at you, so you have to look for the joy. Look for reasons to laugh. And of course we are normal people and we fight and have our moments but honestly, if I have any down time, the first thing I want to do is hang out with Brig. It’s not hard to love someone, it’s a lot harder after 15 years to like them. And we keep finding new ways to like each other.
Wow. This question. I’ve learned that we are both hard-headed, but dedicated. I’ve learned that I like to have some semblance of a plan in place and Brig is always flyin’ by the seat of his pants. I’ve learned that patience truly is a virtue and one that takes a lifetime to master. I’ve learned to stop talking and listen. Most of all I think we’ve learned that when life can be tough and even devastating, we are good for each other.
My parents’ marriage is complicated. But that’s what I appreciate about it at this point. It’s good to know that life does not always turn out as you expect (does it ever?) and that you have to be willing to make a good situation out of whatever comes your way.
My best marital advice, outside of making time to have fun, is to never be afraid to apologize. We fight and we argue and sometimes we say dumb things and that’s just life. But winning an argument isn’t worth it if its messing up your relationship. I’ve learned that there is a kind of strength that comes with apologies and digging deep and asking forgiveness. And forgiveness is a beauty of its own. Maybe that’s the key to marriage, being willing to apologize and forgive over and over and over again. And then do it again.
I started blogging this last summer because we were heading for Alaska for the summer and I wanted a chance to keep family and friends updated. Some of it is about my kids but the last couple entries are more just things that I’ve been thinking about. So the blog is also a way for me to store writing ideas. Like a savings account for my writing. I have loved writing all my life. It’s like therapy for me but like everything else, a work in progress.
Yeah, I don’t bottle feelings well. It’s easier for me to just put my cards on the table and let them land where they land. Sometimes it’s a good thing and sometimes it’s terrible, but I can’t live any other way. I’ve always been a terrible liar. Haha. Seriously, I don’t have a poker face. I tend to share what I’m feeling.
Yes. I am very careful about what I share online. I don’t share things that would embarrass my children when they are older. They deserve to start their adult lives without anything online following them around. It’s not a mommy blog. You won’t find any recipes or party ideas. I also don’t write about politics or my soap-boxes on my blog. I want it to be a place to find something beautiful and interesting. I hope people that read my blog will leave it with something to think about. I really believe that we don’t think for ourselves as much as we should. We live in a world where online social media becomes a kind of collective thought process.
My hope is to give someone something they might want to turn off their music or facebook and think about for a while. So my children make it into the blog but only occasionally. I also am very wary of portraying perfection. Our family is nowhere near perfect and I find the entire concept of perfection dull. Beauty is always found where there is both light and shadow, so it’s important that my stories or my portrayal of our life is not so scrubbed that it loses that essence of the natural chaos of things.
I write when I have something mulling in my head that needs to be written. I’m in the midst of finishing my last semester and taking a pretty intense writing class as well as a couple lit classes. I probably won’t get a lot of time in the next couple months to write much, if anything. I haven’t decided if I’ll post the things I’m writing for my class. It’s digging pretty deep personally for me so we’ll see if any of it makes it to the blog.
My best writing usually happens in the middle of the night or early morning. I’ll wake up with an idea and then it just starts writing itself in my head and I can’t sleep until I’ve put it down.
How fabulous is she?! Love her spirit and energy and beautiful words. Thank you so much Morinda for being a part of my interview series!